I'm baaack!
I know you've been eagerly awaiting the next post in the Dirty Little Secrets Series. Well, wait no more, here it is!
This post is a bit of a first. I'm on the patio next to the fire pit typing this with my bluetooth keyboard and my phone. No computer was used in the composition of this message. I'm enjoying the lovely weather while watching the kids play, the dog bite his toenails and the cats are doing whatever the cats want to do. I could get used to this.
Back to the post. We covered two secrets in Part I, right? Ok, so here we go with...
Dirty Little Secret #3 - Guilt
You read that correctly. Guilt. It's a thing. Like I've mentioned before, when you're diagnosed you end up making friends with other cancer patients. As a result, in addition to the fear, you can also feel guilt. What would there be to feel guilty about? Well, as odd as it might sound, lots of things. For example, I felt a little guilty because I seemed to tolerate chemo pretty well. It wasn't easy or fun, by any means, but I saw some of my treatment friends experience every side effect under the sun and some of them are quite unpleasant. Of course, not everyone I came into contact with was a breast cancer patient so they were on a very different cocktail than I was. That doesn't make you feel any less guilty. You can find yourself feeling guilty for having a strong support system. Not everyone has that, but everyone NEEDS it. My family was with me every step of the way. I didn't have to worry whether my husband and kids would eat while I was in bed for days at a time. My employer and my co-workers were so supportive. I can't imagine going through that experience and having to worry about any of those things. Sadly, many women do. You can feel guilty for not being "sicker". You see your friends get bad news and you feel guilt because you haven't. You don't want bad news but you can feel guilty. It's bizarre. I could go on and on but you get the idea.
Dirty Little Secret #4 - I might miss being "flat"
Seriously! I know that I don't want to look at the Franken-chest for the rest of my life but a little part of me will miss being able to take "The Girls" off at the end of the day. Think about it, ladies. If you could remove yours when it was convenient, like before exercise, would you do it? Be honest.
In my current state, I have choices. I can choose to go completely without, or pick a size. I currently have 2 options. I have a small set and a medium set. It's quite nice. I don't think I'm going to skip reconstruction but I will miss having options. I'll probably complain the first time I try to sleep on my stomach, but I'll get over it...if not, I just won't say anything aloud. It will be another Dirty Little Secret. ;-)
In my current state, I have choices. I can choose to go completely without, or pick a size. I currently have 2 options. I have a small set and a medium set. It's quite nice. I don't think I'm going to skip reconstruction but I will miss having options. I'll probably complain the first time I try to sleep on my stomach, but I'll get over it...if not, I just won't say anything aloud. It will be another Dirty Little Secret. ;-)
Good night sweet friends!
Love to all,
Andee