I'm starting this post at 11:57 so it will still qualify as an anniversary post. Yay me!
Before I get started, I just want to share something with you. I purchased a dress last fall that I intended to be my Easter dress. It isn't anything showstopping, but I liked it. It's been hanging in my closet for months. I was excited to get it out this morning but there was a problem. Just like every other woman on the planet, I took a deep breath and hoped that my weight wasn't so out of control that the dress wouldn't fit. I pulled it over my head and all seemed to be well. Then it came time to zip it up. Oh boy. Let me explain something real quick. This isn't one of those dresses that zips up the back, or buttons up the front. Nope, this one has a relatively small zipper on the side that runs from the waist up under the arm. So, everything was looking pretty good until it came time to zip. The first few inches (waist) zipped right up. Beyond that, things were challenging. For a moment I was on the verge of tears but then it hit me. My dress didn't fit because my chest was too big! Yes friends, I'm almost busty! (Just a note: Yes, I realize that the part, if not most, of the problem is the gallon of fluid I'm carrying around but let's just let me let myself believe that my bosom is the culprit. Thank you). Luckily, I had another option but who would have thought I would get a warm and fuzzy feeling from a dress not fitting? It's a miracle, indeed.
Two years ago today, the last thing I was worried about was how my clothes would fit. I had been dealing with the prospect of cancer for almost two weeks but it's a whole different ballgame once it's confirmed. After the diagnosis, things moved very quickly. 2 1/2 weeks after diagnosis I had a bilateral mastectomy. Thirty days later I started treatment - chemo and radiation would carry me through until December 17, 2014. I had a bit of a break in 2015 (infusions every 3 weeks until July and one surgical procedure) but 2015 was a more challenging year, especially on an emotional level. I spent the first 3 months of the year busting my behind to lose the weight I gained during treatment. I lost most of it and then, due to some happenings in my circle of cancer friends, I slipped into a bit of a funk. It was not a good time. I won't bore you with the details but I fell off the wagon, started eating my emotions and started gaining weight. Nothing like being borderline depressed and then reverse all of the hard work that you did. That does a real number on your self confidence. I was able to pull myself out of the funk (cancer stopped being on my mind 24/7) and I was on the upswing. The end of 2015 was all about preparing for 2016. The year of reconstruction. I knew I was going to be off work so I was trying to wrap things up there while trying to prepare for the downtime tied to the first two surgeries, which happened within 21 days. I'm pushing through the frustration of not being able to do much and that is SOOOOOO difficult for me. Every time I get really frustrated, I remind myself how blessed I am. The pain, challenging recovery and the frustration are only temporary.
So here we are, 2 years on from the day that changed my life. Regardless of what happens I'm still here, I still have a fighting spirit and my goal is still to help provide support to as many people as I can. To all of my Pink Sisters (and any other cancer ribbons...all are welcome!) who are just beginning their journey, I promise you will find strength you never thought you had. You will be humbled by the level of support you receive from those who love you, you will feel fear, you will feel ugly, you will cry, you will laugh and you will learn far more than you expect. Soon, you will be one of us....one of those crazy women. One of the ones who says that cancer sucks but, in some strange way, they feel blessed to have gone through the experience. I am not the same person I was on this day 2 years ago. I am stronger, I am more appreciative of the little things in life, I have a burning desire to make a difference (I'm still figuring out how to put that into practice) and I remember that I need to put myself first (work in progress).
I have more to say but I'm tired so I'm signing off. Before I go, let me say thank you. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Thank you for your comments, your calls, your messages...every kind of support makes a big difference.
Much love to all!
Andee
So here we are, 2 years on from the day that changed my life. Regardless of what happens I'm still here, I still have a fighting spirit and my goal is still to help provide support to as many people as I can. To all of my Pink Sisters (and any other cancer ribbons...all are welcome!) who are just beginning their journey, I promise you will find strength you never thought you had. You will be humbled by the level of support you receive from those who love you, you will feel fear, you will feel ugly, you will cry, you will laugh and you will learn far more than you expect. Soon, you will be one of us....one of those crazy women. One of the ones who says that cancer sucks but, in some strange way, they feel blessed to have gone through the experience. I am not the same person I was on this day 2 years ago. I am stronger, I am more appreciative of the little things in life, I have a burning desire to make a difference (I'm still figuring out how to put that into practice) and I remember that I need to put myself first (work in progress).
I have more to say but I'm tired so I'm signing off. Before I go, let me say thank you. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Thank you for your comments, your calls, your messages...every kind of support makes a big difference.
Much love to all!
Andee