Pain and Perspective: Part I
Part I - Pain
If you are a regular, you know I have a rule about not posting when I'm either in pain or in a bad place. I always write about it, after the worst is over, because I feel like it's important to share the challenges and provide a real-ish picture of what this journey can be like. I say "real-ish" because everyone's road will be different, no two experiences are ever the same, even if the diagnosis is. This blog is a peek into my journey through diagnosis, surgery, treatment, trying to return to "normal" and the reconstruction process.
First, I guess I need to bring you up to speed on where we are. As you recall, the reconstruction process started in January. My first surgery was January 11. Surgery #2, or "The Big One" as I like to call it, was done on February 1st. Since that time I've been seeing my (spectacular) plastic surgeon every 2 weeks. In the early days, there was more fluid removal than addition but after a couple of months, that finally went in the right direction. So, for at least 6 months now, I've been getting fluid added to Satan's Water Balloons (SWBs)(the clinical term is tissue expanders) every couple of weeks. Early on, I made the mistake of saying the following aloud to my nurse. "You know, these things aren't the most comfortable but they're not as bad as I expected. I keep hearing awful stories about expanders from those who have gone before me and they just aren't that bad." Without hesitation, she responded "Oh, they'll get worse." You know where we go from here, right? With that fill, the real pain started. See, you're thinking that an expander is just a saline filled implant. Um....NO! I wrote about the "Iron Bra" a while back. Well, we have advanced quite a bit since then.
I won't revisit my entire list of medical issues but I will remind you that I have a muscle that was relocated and some pesky scar tissue. For months, I've been going to PT to help break up the scar tissue and improve my range of motion. The tightness and discomfort has improved significantly but it is not gone. When you add in 10 hour work days and several days per week with a 3 hour commute (yes, that's per day), it doesn't help my physical situation. I'm going over all of this (yes, again) because it relates to what comes next.
Last week was scheduled to be my last fill. Surgery is scheduled for late September so we need to get the fills wrapped up and let SWBs work their magic, and let my body recover and rest up for the procedure. Here's where the aforementioned scar tissue comes in. I will spare you pictures, but that means I have to write this out, so stick with me. On my left side, the one that has the relocated muscle and skin, there is some visibly tethered tissue. It almost looks like there's a strap holding things down. As a result, the plan was to add a good amount of fluid to the SWBs and try to get that stuff to stretch. Well, we did a FANTASTIC job of that! Let me tell you all about it...
She started to fill and, as always, asked me repeatedly how I was. There was some discomfort, a little more than normal, but I told her it was fine to keep going. My memory is a little fuzzy after what happened next, but I think she said she got 90cc in there. WOW! So she takes the needle out and I think I started to talk or something - again...fuzzy - and before I could finish my sentence I feel a pretty significant POP in my chest. It took a second for my brain to catch up so I think I kept talking for a second or two. Then I remember saying "Um, something popped." And then it happened again. My brain was still trying to work through it all - I first thought something happened with the SWB because, though it felt bizarre, it didn't hurt right away. When the second band popped, I felt quite a burn (pain)...and it intensified...and lingered. At that point my brain was trying to figure out if the muscle had come loose. (Please no!) My doctor tried to find where the source of the pain was. I'm not sure but she might have thought something really awful happened too. Once she found it (she knew she had it by the look on my face) she kept pressure on it for a while (probably 30 seconds, felt like 30 minutes). At that point, my brain went to "Holy cow, did my chest pop open?" Thankfully, that was not the case. Apparently, a couple of bands of that nasty, stubborn scar tissue popped loose all at once. It was tethered on the side closest to my sternum. Unfortunately, I was not tough enough to leave all that fluid in this time around, so she took out about a third of what she put in. I'm not sure that it will delay surgery but at this point, I don't care. If I have to wait an extra week I will. What's another week, right?
So that's where we are. Oh, I almost forgot the silver lining!!! As a result of the tissue detachment, I've gotten some (but not complete) relief. The iron bra is little more tolerable and I feel like my range of motion is improved - not as much pulling. The fact that I've been battling a cold and I'm coughing like crazy hasn't made the past week any more fun, but I will continue to remind myself that, after 2 1/2 years of cancer stuff and 7 months of reconstruction work, I'm almost there! The pain and the challenges are temporary, so I'll get through it. Another silver lining is that those same challenges and pain add something to your life...perspective. I'll save that for part 2!
Love to all!
Andee
If you are a regular, you know I have a rule about not posting when I'm either in pain or in a bad place. I always write about it, after the worst is over, because I feel like it's important to share the challenges and provide a real-ish picture of what this journey can be like. I say "real-ish" because everyone's road will be different, no two experiences are ever the same, even if the diagnosis is. This blog is a peek into my journey through diagnosis, surgery, treatment, trying to return to "normal" and the reconstruction process.
First, I guess I need to bring you up to speed on where we are. As you recall, the reconstruction process started in January. My first surgery was January 11. Surgery #2, or "The Big One" as I like to call it, was done on February 1st. Since that time I've been seeing my (spectacular) plastic surgeon every 2 weeks. In the early days, there was more fluid removal than addition but after a couple of months, that finally went in the right direction. So, for at least 6 months now, I've been getting fluid added to Satan's Water Balloons (SWBs)(the clinical term is tissue expanders) every couple of weeks. Early on, I made the mistake of saying the following aloud to my nurse. "You know, these things aren't the most comfortable but they're not as bad as I expected. I keep hearing awful stories about expanders from those who have gone before me and they just aren't that bad." Without hesitation, she responded "Oh, they'll get worse." You know where we go from here, right? With that fill, the real pain started. See, you're thinking that an expander is just a saline filled implant. Um....NO! I wrote about the "Iron Bra" a while back. Well, we have advanced quite a bit since then.
I won't revisit my entire list of medical issues but I will remind you that I have a muscle that was relocated and some pesky scar tissue. For months, I've been going to PT to help break up the scar tissue and improve my range of motion. The tightness and discomfort has improved significantly but it is not gone. When you add in 10 hour work days and several days per week with a 3 hour commute (yes, that's per day), it doesn't help my physical situation. I'm going over all of this (yes, again) because it relates to what comes next.
Last week was scheduled to be my last fill. Surgery is scheduled for late September so we need to get the fills wrapped up and let SWBs work their magic, and let my body recover and rest up for the procedure. Here's where the aforementioned scar tissue comes in. I will spare you pictures, but that means I have to write this out, so stick with me. On my left side, the one that has the relocated muscle and skin, there is some visibly tethered tissue. It almost looks like there's a strap holding things down. As a result, the plan was to add a good amount of fluid to the SWBs and try to get that stuff to stretch. Well, we did a FANTASTIC job of that! Let me tell you all about it...
She started to fill and, as always, asked me repeatedly how I was. There was some discomfort, a little more than normal, but I told her it was fine to keep going. My memory is a little fuzzy after what happened next, but I think she said she got 90cc in there. WOW! So she takes the needle out and I think I started to talk or something - again...fuzzy - and before I could finish my sentence I feel a pretty significant POP in my chest. It took a second for my brain to catch up so I think I kept talking for a second or two. Then I remember saying "Um, something popped." And then it happened again. My brain was still trying to work through it all - I first thought something happened with the SWB because, though it felt bizarre, it didn't hurt right away. When the second band popped, I felt quite a burn (pain)...and it intensified...and lingered. At that point my brain was trying to figure out if the muscle had come loose. (Please no!) My doctor tried to find where the source of the pain was. I'm not sure but she might have thought something really awful happened too. Once she found it (she knew she had it by the look on my face) she kept pressure on it for a while (probably 30 seconds, felt like 30 minutes). At that point, my brain went to "Holy cow, did my chest pop open?" Thankfully, that was not the case. Apparently, a couple of bands of that nasty, stubborn scar tissue popped loose all at once. It was tethered on the side closest to my sternum. Unfortunately, I was not tough enough to leave all that fluid in this time around, so she took out about a third of what she put in. I'm not sure that it will delay surgery but at this point, I don't care. If I have to wait an extra week I will. What's another week, right?
So that's where we are. Oh, I almost forgot the silver lining!!! As a result of the tissue detachment, I've gotten some (but not complete) relief. The iron bra is little more tolerable and I feel like my range of motion is improved - not as much pulling. The fact that I've been battling a cold and I'm coughing like crazy hasn't made the past week any more fun, but I will continue to remind myself that, after 2 1/2 years of cancer stuff and 7 months of reconstruction work, I'm almost there! The pain and the challenges are temporary, so I'll get through it. Another silver lining is that those same challenges and pain add something to your life...perspective. I'll save that for part 2!
Love to all!
Andee