...but I am not staying there!

Don't worry, this won't be a "downer" post...at least I hope not. Just to keep the mood light, I'll include some Phteven!

Oh, how I've missed him.

Ok, back on topic,

Today's post won't be depressing but I would classify it as an RRT  post. For any newbies, that's a Really Real Truth post. As I've said before, the goal is for the blog to be open, honest and hopefully help others know they aren't alone. So let's go...

It's been a bit of a perfect storm of not-so-fun life experiences over the past month or so. Cancer has played a starring role in most of it.  

Just a quick reminder. I made a choice to share my business on the blog - friends and family have not so there will be times that it will seem like I'm being vague. I AM being vague but I'm sure you understand.

You want some honesty? I'll give you the straight poop. I find life after treatment way more difficult and way more scary that life during treatment. I'll write in more depth about this later (I can't stay awake much longer) but I have been dealing with some serious anxiety over the past few weeks. I've had days where I'm pretty sure I haven't gone more than 30 minutes without thinking about cancer - is it really gone? will it come back? what will I do if it comes back? I have a pain - is it cancer?  

The mind can get caught in a loop. Trust me, it's not a the happiest of places.  I've had days where I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was pretty scary.

I have anxiety related to my own situation but I've also dealt with loss (from cancer) in my family and circle of friends. Again, you deal with sadness, fear, anger, survivor guilt...it can be overwhelming. On top of the emotional issues, I tried to take some time off from working out to try to let my feet heal a little. They had gotten really, really painful again so I finally decided to give them some time to recover. Bad idea!! Not for my feet  - which after a very painful few months, are feeling surprisingly normal- but for my sanity. When you hear that exercise can help with anxiety and/or depression, they are not kidding.

I've finally gotten myself "out of the water" and I'm feeling so much better. I will not live my life in fear of what might be. I'm back to living in the moment, I'm not dwelling on what could happen, I'm enjoying what IS happening. The best medicine I could ask for was being surrounded by friends and family over the holiday weekend. Now, I'm diving back into daily workouts and working to make sure my body, mind and soul are strong and prepared for what is to come. 

I have to rest now but I'll write more later. Until then, get out of the water!

To the friends and family we've lost, we'll miss you. I will continue to borrow my friend's hashtag...

#suckitcancer

Love to all,

Andee