I thought I was smart...sorta
WARNING: I'm tired so expect some real honesty and maybe some angry words. Mom, you might want to stop reading now.
I like to think I'm a bada$$. I was up late reading and responding to messages. I slept in just a wee bit but still rolled out with about 4 hours of sleep. "I've done fine on less sleep" I said. "I'm going to have a normal day" I said.
Let's take a look back for a moment. Over the past two weeks I found a lump where there shouldn't be one, went to the doc, then waited. While waiting I was scared, emotional, trying to work, care for our family, burning the candles at both ends. The first round of waiting ended with a preliminary breast cancer diagnosis. Stressful? YES. But wait, there's more! Next came the waiting for the official results with the added terror of waiting to learn the source of the cancer. Really, breast cancer alone wasn't enough? It could have come from somewhere else? Do you understand what unknowns do to a control freak/information gatherer? Come on! Have you heard my life story? I'm tough and pretty darn resilient but DANG!
Emotional roller coaster does not adequately describe my day yesterday. I was so stressed I ate 1 small meal over a two day period. (Don't worry, I wasn't in any danger. Fat stores alone would have kept me going for months!) As if that wasn't enough I also decided to give up caffeine 2 weeks ago. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?
So let's recap - stress, emotional roller coaster, no food, little sleep and no caffeine. What do I decide to do the day after one of the toughest days of my life? I decide I want to be normal so I go to work. Work was great. I love my work family. Everyone has been so supportive so the work part wasn't the bad choice. It was the long commute following the stress, emotional roller coaster, no food, little sleep and no caffeine that was the problem. The lesson here? I'm not a bada$$, I'm a dumba$$. By the time I went out for a wonderful lunch with some wonderful people, I was spent! You'd think a "smart" person like me might have considered taking it easy. But NOPE! I didn't do anything hard, I just ran out of fuel. So for those of you who saw me dragging this afternoon, that's all it was. Exhaustion. No depression, no sadness. Just ran out of get up and go. I'm going to have to take a nap before the game for sure. Whew.
When you say a prayer for us today, make sure you pray for my smarts too. ;-)
Love to all,
Andee